im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
