Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
