new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
