I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im part way to drunk.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
