ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
