omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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