shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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