I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize