just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
