Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
