please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was born a porn star she said
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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