If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I forget how to act sober
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
