Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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