I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
