I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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