By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
