ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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