she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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