Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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