guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
