I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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