the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
