Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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