yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
