i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize