I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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