How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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