I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
