She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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