Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
