Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
