So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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