Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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