make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
