I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize