I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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