Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize