I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
