WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
