We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
