New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize