And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
