well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
