You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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