so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
