I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
