Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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