i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
