Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
