New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
