please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
