its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
smell my finger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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