mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
