he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
