Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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