If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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