i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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