TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
