i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
