I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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