Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
