Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
