i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
