someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize